Christmas Charmers Gifts

'What church do YOU go to?'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

You're the olive in my martini

'May I have the key to your heart?'

"Pie chart"

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

Wedding Wellies

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Fat Man Viewing Pie Chart Thinks About Real Pie

Ralph has lots of animal magnetism.

Houdini re-incarnated.

"I think I'll report us to the Better Business Bureau."

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Up please...

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

'Are you blind, Ref, it's a fowl!'

'Do you have anything that smells like wedding bells?'

Cow selling milk from small roadside stand.

'I practice my presentation before tomorrow's meeting and it gets him right to sleep.'

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

Seven Layers.

"Let me tell you Belinda. . . you certainly don't belong on the beginner's slope."

"What do I bring to the company? I'm relentlessly cheerful and able to handle pressure."

Brownie Size/Okay to Eat

An Irishman unfamiliar with how a telephone works

The Country Wedding.

"He's a little shy around people."

"With a name like Barney Stone, I do real well with the ladies on Valentine's day."