Christening Planner Gifts

"Not yet ANOTHER flippin' Aaron? How about his biblical brother, Moses?"

Santa Claus's Mail

Airlines

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Margarita