Chore Hacker Pillows

"Dad, you never have to say 'take out the trash' again!"

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

Weird things I do because of the internet

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'I didn't read that scene, but I did highlight several passages.'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

"I've been feeling healthier since I attached my fitbit to the collar of my neighbor's terrier."

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'You did your book report on the TV schedule?'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

Secrets of Adulthood.

Finally, I found a good use for that leak.

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Cat Chores

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.