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The four housemen of procrastination

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"What is the first item on the to do list?"

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

"Baldo, I wish you'd help out a little more around the house."

"Okay, everyone...time to clean up the house. Gracie, what job do you want?"

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

"It's your turn to shovel the perch."

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

'It's your night to catch dinner.'

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'I know, I know. I know. It was my turn to change the water filter. You don't have to keep reminding me.'

Congressional Gym. I never need to go in there. I get plenty of exercise kicking the can down the road.

Why do chicks dig vampires? They're forbidden, immortal. They have unimaginable strength. They visit at night, bringing wisdom and sensuality. And if they don't take out the trash or mow the lawn you can burn them to death with sunlight! Yikes. They can get housework done while I sleep.

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

"Joining the Army was great for me son; he learned a skill and gained a world of self confidence. Of course, he still won't clean his room."