Chopstick Champ Gifts

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

Haute Chinese

"You and your daft inventions."

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

Year of the Rat

'All the rice you can eat... with one chopstick.'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Monkey casino study.

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'It's been a few hundred years, gentlemen... I think it's finally time to admit that forks are better.'

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

"Leftover seeds."

"They won't work!!!"

Mozart eating noodles with chopsticks

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"What setting do I use for this?"

'I thought she'd never leave.'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

A man carves a totem pole

Sculptor: 'Okay, SMILE!'

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

Chinese noodles.

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks or you don't.'

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

"Hide all the chopsticks."

'Yes, it takes a little while to learn to handle chopsticks!'