Cholesterol-conscious Chuckler T-Shirts

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Actually, I hate the taste of fish, but the oil's just so darn good for you.

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'Your weight problem is partly genetic and partly Boston Cream pie.'

Lard Lite - Marketing