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'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

'Just once I'd like a solo.'

Choir Sections

I am a bass/baritone/tenor.

The Ethel Mormon Tabernacle Choir

"...And you will serve two years in a male voice choir as a baritone!"

'He's is in a bad mood tonight!'

"No, this is the choir, NOT your backup group."

Fa la la la la la la la la la!

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Vocal Masterclass

"You don't need a doctor to look at your throat, you need a CHOIRPRACTOR."

Pastoral: Sung in a simple and idyllic style.

"Who forgot the words?"

"Trying to explain the difference between praise and worship."

'It's used for training Colliery Choirs. One whiff of a bad note and it faints.'

"May the good Lord bless this Town Council for the revival of our religious invocations. We thank Thee in the name of Jesus Christ!"

'According to my records, you never went to church and hardly ever watched 'Songs of Praise'.'

The Dog Choir

'You haven't by any chance been in close contact with a Baritone?'

'The Mormon tabernacle trio'

'The Endell St. baptist church choir's trip around the bay comes a cropper'

Requiem and Suicidal Choirmaster

"I am sorry. I'm going to have to let you go. You just can't seem to learn the words."

'This is Helene... she says it's a girl's choir and they're going to sing hymns at the old folks home.'

'I didn't pass the audition for the School Choir: They said I had a squeaky voice...'

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

The Corus.

"Apparently, he's a killer baritone."

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"I lost the groove."