Chinese Food Aficionado T-Shirts

'You are severely allergic to monosodium glutamate.'

'The sound advice fortune cookie' - 'Don't eat this cookie. It's deep fried.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"How's the salmon?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"....and hold the garlic."

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.