Chimp Champions Pillows

"I suppose the polite thing to do would be to invite her over..."

Grooming Tips

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"Remember son, evolution peaks with us - chimps were in space before man!"

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

Monkey casino study.

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

He's a terrible climber, but he's pretty good with tools.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"What setting do I use for this?"

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

Sport Darwinism

'But toothache is the worst!'

A man carves a totem pole

"Careful...she bites."

"Love them rays, Chief."

Sculptor: 'Okay, SMILE!'

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

Sign on the door at Karate School.

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

Celebrating the Chinese New Year of the Monkey

"No-one's noticed the difference yet. . !"

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'