Children's Education Gifts

'It sure didn't pay to increase my vocabulary that time!'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

"Harris here is looking after children's accounts."

Angry Santa Claus.

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"So proud of them!"

guess who just signed a contract with sesame street.

"Today we practiced counting to five, and the teacher practiced counting to ten."

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

"See Dick text. Text, Dick. Text."

"And mid-morning we have a lovely break for milk and gingerbread cookies."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Hate Platforms

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Computer Room.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Big Bang Theory.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'