Childhood Strategist Pillows

'With Jesse Caldwell's family moving out of town, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

I rule by fear.

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

"Wait, this seems way too easy!"

Jimmy couldn't run but he could hide.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Will eat your homework for $.

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"Watch this! All the balls scattered at random around the table."

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"