Childhood Sociology Gifts

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

'He's maturing early.'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Tree house.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Baby Screen Time

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

"Recess does things to a man."

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Serious Putty

'I love all the seasons! Fall and winter have great holidays, and spring and summer school gets out!'