Childhood Chaos Navigator Gifts

'I can't wait until I grow up, and all I have to do is go to work.'

'I feel angry.'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Stubborn Horse

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

Signs of Stress

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

A dream of consequence

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'