Child Soother Pillows

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

Policeman talking to lost child

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Music Therapy

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

'It's a pretty lame disappearing act Darling: I think we'd better hire a real Magician for Timmy's birthday party...'

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

Proud Mum.

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

Toy repair.

The last person to leave, please turn off the enlightenment.

The Poor Child's Nurse

'Does my bum look big in this'

"They all remind me of cloud computing. I really need a mental health day."

"We find the Rolf Harris tape provides reassurance for our clients."

Skunk to psychologist: 'It doesn't do me any good to stop and smell the roses.'

"When did your shift start?" - "February!"

"You're not as serene as you could be, Fred."

Count Mario Franzelli hadn't really grasped what a playboy did.

"So, you think clowns are stupid? How about pediatricians, … Do you think they're stupid too?"

Books: Chicken Soup for the Soul / Cheeseburger and fries for the Soul.

"Those aren't spiderwebs. Those are phone and electrical lines. So, you can relax. There's no giant spider in the neighborhood."

In Case of Anxiety Attack, Break Glass

'I feel much better just knowing you're there for me.'

'Mom, Dad, I'm scared.'

'I managed to raise six children and fourteen house plants. How is that for management experience?'

'Hello, NSPCA?. . .Listen our school only does chips once a week.'

"Om...icron..."