Child Psychiatrist Pillows

A Nursery Rhyme From The American Psychiatric Society

Child Development

"I have my mother's vindictive nature and my father's garnished wages."

Anton's imaginary friend was always stopping and giving directions to imaginary strangers.

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"You're saying that an only child having an imaginary friend is perfectly normal, doctor?"

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"Then again, in some extreme cases, a swift kick in the pants is called for!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"They grow up so fast."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

The cell phone soother for life.

A midwife holding a baby

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"She's been so creative lately."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"