Child Psychiatrist Pillows

A Nursery Rhyme From The American Psychiatric Society

"My parents sent me- I don't like Harry Potter."

Child Development

"I have my mother's vindictive nature and my father's garnished wages."

Anton's imaginary friend was always stopping and giving directions to imaginary strangers.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Is there a child psychologist in the house?!'

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"You're saying that an only child having an imaginary friend is perfectly normal, doctor?"

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

"Then again, in some extreme cases, a swift kick in the pants is called for!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"They grow up so fast."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"