Child-friendly Pillows

If I am to help you buy the proper fit for your girlfriend, you must tell me about her. She's perfect. Computer Villa. She has shoulder-length brown hair, full lips, loves pets and children. Macs, of course, not PC. And? Pardon? What kind of kisser? Show me. The wisdom of the geeky computer salesman has its price.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

Children's Parties

Wildlife

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Packaging Russian Dolls

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Santa Claus's Mail

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Bookworm Sleepover

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"Look, a bug!"

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

"And this is our media room."

Updated Nursery Rhyme #27.

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"That'll be five bucks."

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

'He made an excellent jelly.'