Chest Bump Champion Pillows

"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'Play it again, Sam.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'As avid soccer player, Roy head-bumps his playing partner's ball in for a birdie.'

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'It's not global warming. It's 'Hot Flashes'.'

'And what can you bring to the party?'

So as you can see, sales were identical in all sectors yet again last year. Peppermint Candies, Inc.

Chiropractor jokes.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

I heart my bum.

I don't draw farts, but take it from me that one was from Skunksville.

"You say you want me to do well in school. I thought you'd be more excited that I can burp the alphabet!"

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

'Dang, we lost another one...maybe this whole laughter thing is a crock.'

"What setting do I use for this?"

'My credit report. Well - they said it's the lowest ever, but on the flip side I'll be in the Guinness World Record book.'

'How would you have played that last ball?'

Please take a number...