Chest Bump Champion Pillows

"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Play it again, Sam.'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'It's not global warming. It's 'Hot Flashes'.'

'And what can you bring to the party?'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

I don't draw farts, but take it from me that one was from Skunksville.

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"You say you want me to do well in school. I thought you'd be more excited that I can burp the alphabet!"

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

'Dang, we lost another one...maybe this whole laughter thing is a crock.'

'How would you have played that last ball?'

Please take a number...