Chess Legal Drama Gifts

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Another slander suit!"

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You don't have to answer that."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'