Chemical Mishap Enthusiast Pillows

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

"An excellent interview Mr Twinglestop, now is there anything you'd like to ask me. . . Apart from home to switch off your 'cat filter'?"

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

spellchecker

FDA will 'Regulate Tobacco'.

'I can't turn it off.'

A sporting gent practising for the hunting season.

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"Please—no technology questions!"

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

The Mysterious World of Ligand Substitution.

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Broken hospital sign.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

"Then we'll just mark it 'Do not shake before using'."

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

Two hunters and a near miss