Checkout Chuckler T-Shirts

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

"You're five items short. You'll have to use the express lane. This checkout is 16 items or more only."

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

Keyboard in Heaven

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Bank Checking Accounts. Yes, deposits are guaranteed, sir --- but withdrawals aren't.

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"No, Ted, there's no way I'm going to put up with you working at home. You're a demolition man!"

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

10 items or less

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

'What about change? Do you have any change in your pockets?'

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"Who's next?"

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

"Unidentified object in bagging area!"

12 items or less. 12 items or else.

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Express till 'Ten over priced items or less'

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

Cash Only QUIK SHOP: NO checks! NO credit! NO coupons! NO small talk!