Chat Anxiety Survivor Gifts

Kindly readers, we are currently exploring a sensitive aspect of modern dating: The unrequited cellphone message. Two hours ago, Rudy left such a message for his girlfriend, Laurel, and she has yet to call him back. In another era, this would not necessarily be cause for concern. But with portable phones, some believe a delayed response might be a message of its own. She almost certainly left me for Larry Kudlow. Or her battery's out.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

What price beauty?

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Woman on the phone.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"Come on, Doc, one of us has to relax,"

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

Why are you here?

Let's talk about the weather.

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years apart from a thousand miles from this f****** s**thole?"

Dadonomics

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

'Have you noticed it, too?'

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

Another form of performance anxiety.

"I'm not good at confrontation, so unscramble this phrase in your head for a surprise message."

Anxiety/More Anxiety

Introducing...Superegoman!

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'