Chart Magician Gifts

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

Salesman Drawing on Sales Chart

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

The Life of Pi

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

Soaring Profits

Business is off the chart.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"Could you keep still?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Gloat