Chaotic Kitchen Connoisseur Gifts

Vegetable Cook

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Man's cooking explodes.

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Ten out of ten for effort...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Chef De Party.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'You made me jump.'

It's all gravy.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

Cooking

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Do you want toast with that?'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."