Chaotic Kitchen Connoisseur Gifts

Vegetable Cook

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Man's cooking explodes.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Ten out of ten for effort...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Chef De Party.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

It's all gravy.

Cooking

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Do you want toast with that?'

'You made me jump.'

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Cooking With Pollock.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).