Chaos Masters Pillows

'Oh my God, we've been burgle- ... oh wait, I just remembered, we've got children.'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Future garbage truck driver.

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

Stockwell's day

Caution: use only under child supervison

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

'This is my natural habitat.'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Your father and I support your career aspirations, but we feel you need a new practice space.'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Turn Down For What.

"My mom said a tornado hit my room. I checked my weather app, and it said clear skies."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

man juggling career, home and children

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Disorder in the Court!

"A tornado? Uh, yeah...that's exactly what happened, Mom, a tornado did hit my room!"

Repletion.

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

Mad scientist holding bubbling flask in lab