Chaotic Chore Master Pillows

In his haste to wipe out the hornets' nest, Jerry mistakenly grabbed a can of spray paint,

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Before I can stop and smell the roses, I need time to stop and plant the @#$% roses.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Child doing the washing up

Security Dept. Keep. Out.

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

'Oh my God, we've been burgle- ... oh wait, I just remembered, we've got children.'

Cleaning service on skates.

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"Oh, gosh. . . he's sleep caulking again."

Unusual Washing Line

'Don't just sit there buffering, clean up you room.'

"Well, I've noticed someone always finds time for the 'odd jobs' around here he wants to do!"

Happy Mother's Day.

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

'Yes it's a conspiracy theory, he's never ever done the washing up.'

"Does he like those shorts you bought him for Christmas?"

The snow shovel is Joe's winter dance partner...

'MY mother used to use a smoke detector as a meal-timer too!'

A sandworm eats a statue of Buddha

"Slow down! You're toasting your Blackberry and talking into a Pop Tart."

'My laundry just sent me a friend request.'

"Don't interrupt me when I'm spe..."

Boy says: 'A Shoe!' Girl Says: ' Bless you.'

'I am not a pack rat...I am a collector!'

"When I don't dream, I feel as if I'd forgotten to put out the garbage."

"Honey, I think I found the hamster."