Champion Of Financial Literacy Pillows

"They now charge a fee to collect the fees."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"I think I gained weight because of the heavy reading Mr. Klacken assigns us."

'Of course I'm squirreling away money!'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"I wouldn't mind...But he's the teacher."

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Low standard of living

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

'Any time you need more, the money tree is here.'

'My own debit card would really be a great way to teach me the value of a dollar.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"Uh, Dad, I appreciate the 'walkin' around money,' but I need 'walkin' around New York City money.'"

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

'The secret of a contented life, my son, is to invest in true low-cost index funds.'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

This franchise is great, but what's in it for you?

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.