Champion Of Financial Literacy Pillows

"They now charge a fee to collect the fees."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"I think I gained weight because of the heavy reading Mr. Klacken assigns us."

'Of course I'm squirreling away money!'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"I wouldn't mind...But he's the teacher."

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

Low standard of living

True Debate Fun

'Any time you need more, the money tree is here.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

'My own debit card would really be a great way to teach me the value of a dollar.'

Another Degree and Deeper in Debt

"Uh, Dad, I appreciate the 'walkin' around money,' but I need 'walkin' around New York City money.'"

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

'The secret of a contented life, my son, is to invest in true low-cost index funds.'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

This franchise is great, but what's in it for you?