Chair Whisperer Pillows

"I spend so much time sitting at my desk, my chair now suffers from separation anxiety. I only left for lunch, and it had to follow me."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Compression

'You said the computer was coming between us. So I put your name as my password.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

Man and Machine snoozing

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Can you spare a few megabytes of your precious time?"

'My hair is so bad I have to cut it myself. I tried going to a hair salon once - they just yelled at it.'

"I think we could work very well together."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"Can you help me? I'm having a little trouble working the shredder."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

I can't do anything with my hair. It doesn't like to go to movies or concerts, or play games. It's just really dull.

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

Factory foreman says: 'Sometimes the machines here do try to take over the world. Last week the coffee maker even had a go.'

Depending on somebody else to do something right phobia: 'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'

Soft Speaker, Loud Speaker, Deafening Speaker

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

'If I need emergency assistance with this program, do I type 911?'

'So, I see you're a good listener.'

"How's the computer analysis going?"

'Good morning, This is receptionist Susan, portal to the boss.'