Ceremony Buffs T-Shirts

"Maybe if we hold her under longer."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

Graduates on their phones

'He does.'

A salute of scouts

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'They call it the people dance.'

'Does my head look big in this?'

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

'What, They're comfortable.'

Animals of the Royal Wedding

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

Tribal masks.

Double Wedding

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'Will you hold it down? This is IMPORTANT!'

"Just a moment, please. I would like my mother's maiden name included."

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

The wedding cake as Holy Sacrament.

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

RETIREMENT VOWS

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

Christening

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

'Tell me, Sadie -just how many times is it now that we have been gathered here today?'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'