Celluloid Sage T-Shirts

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"The good news is, the wind turbine is working great, the bad news is, it blew all the solar panels off the roof."

"Looks like the high tech shares have taken another fall."

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

The Authentic Christmas.

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

Saguaro Cacti.

'Of course, for me, Christmas has a deeply felt religious significance! The stock exchange is my church...!

'It was pretty crazy around here that day.'

Another Truism Bites the Dust.

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

"We found a new virus. . . which affects stock portfolios."

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

The Return of Guarded Optimism

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

A fortune cookie for investors.

The Stock Market and Personal Income.

"You know how I feel about sampling!"

China gets capitalistic in its own way...: 'The Tao is up!'

'At last a sign the bear market may be over.'

'The market's been all over the place, today.'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

Long and Short Term Investments.

'This equation of economic theory attempts to predict the results of a speculative trade, a day after it is placed.'