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'I don't care how great the '61 Lafite is, Paul. You opened it in '97.'

"Not right now - can I get back to you when I've aged my wine collection?"

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"First you make a roux."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Looks like the high tech shares have taken another fall."

The Authentic Christmas.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

Saguaro Cacti.

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'It was pretty crazy around here that day.'

'Of course, for me, Christmas has a deeply felt religious significance! The stock exchange is my church...!

"We found a new virus. . . which affects stock portfolios."

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

The Return of Guarded Optimism

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

A fortune cookie for investors.

The Stock Market and Personal Income.

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

'At last a sign the bear market may be over.'

'The market's been all over the place, today.'

Anatomy of a freezer drawer