Celery Sympathizer Pillows

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Artist and Musician

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

Grocery Shopping

Musician Sneezing Musical Notes

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

Pablo Casals upset at interpretation of his work by young girl.

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

'Here's your new diet.' - 'A stick of celery?' - 'Lick it once at breakfast, once at lunchtime.' - 'And then eat it for dinner, right?' - 'Not until Week 6' - 'Gah.'

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

Sorry to hear about your accident.

Cellist having a shower

Innocent Civilians

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

'I wish the human upstairs would take his boots off!'

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

Age Cards.

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'