Celery Sympathizer Pillows

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Artist and Musician

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Grocery Shopping

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

Musician Sneezing Musical Notes

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

"Let me take that for you."

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"I thought they only used the ink for protection..."

Pablo Casals upset at interpretation of his work by young girl.

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

Paul Tortelier.

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'Here's your new diet.' - 'A stick of celery?' - 'Lick it once at breakfast, once at lunchtime.' - 'And then eat it for dinner, right?' - 'Not until Week 6' - 'Gah.'

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Cellist having a shower

Sorry to hear about your accident.

'I wish the human upstairs would take his boots off!'

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

Innocent Civilians

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

Age Cards.