Celebrity Culture Crusader Pillows

"As Angelina Jolie recently said..."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Little Red Riding Carpet

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'Has Oprah ever been married?'

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

George Clooney Machine

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Nick Cave

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Ringo Starr

Snow White and her Seven people.

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

Justin Timberlake

Wayne and Kerry created a joint name like their idols Brangelina and Tomkat.

Amanda Seyfried

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Stephen Fry

Bette Midler

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

"Two Cagneys and a side of Garbo to go. Hold the Bogart."

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

W.C. Fields

Jennifer Lawrence

The Pooperrazzi

TV-Mirror.

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"I didn't mean anything by it. I don't know why I said it. I just said it, that's all. Twiggy."