Celebrity Comparison Enthusiasts Pillows

"I'm gonna spit in the eye of the next bugger who says I look like Ed Miliband!"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Reese Witherspoon

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

The americanisation of vulture.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Little Red Riding Carpet

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

"What are you doing?"

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

Harriet Walter

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Elton John

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

Leo McKern

Meet Santa's entourage

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'I don't know about you, Clyde, but I'm getting a mighty uneasy feeling we could be riding straight into an ambush interview!'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

People leave joke shop with false moustache, nose and glasses marketed as 'the Robert Winston'.

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Brad Pitt.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Charlotte Rampling

Emma Watson

Sylvester Stallone