Celebrity Chef Gifts

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Nigella Lawson.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

And that's how to make cheese fondue!

'It's a blackmail note - Someone saw me going into that Fish-and-Chip shop!'

Dog mess - Menu, Scoop of the Day

'We've nothing but beans on toast, the chef's too busy writing books and making TV shows to cook.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

Nate was Martha Stewart's biggest fan. 'Hi, I'm Nate. I love all your work.I can't tell you how excited I am to finally meet you!'

Confucious Say: 'He who strangles the cook will not eat the scones.'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

Jamie's cooking for the holocaust...

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

"I can't decide if I want to grow up to be a pediatric heart surgeon or a celebrity chef."

"Apparently, Paul Hollywood used to be called Paul Hollywoodland."

Gordon Ramsey's Refrigerator

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'A potato made entirely out of minced beef, designed to complement out faux-meat potato burger.'

How I met your mother

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Master Chef

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

'Always remember to wash your hands after handling raw poultry. I'm not sure how that's worse than drinking from the toilet, but my producers made me say it.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Sweary Chef - A bad tempered chef swears at the fish he is about to prepare and the fish swears back.

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

Ready Steady Booze

'Merde ! Zey 'av called in Jamie Oliver.'