Celebrating A New Relationship T-Shirts

'Your rhino, or mine?'

"Estella, you have the two most beautiful eyes in the world."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

Couples' therapy

Happy Valentine's Day.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Emotional Bling

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Well, who's stupid idea was it to honeymoon on Moonlight bay?!"

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

Romance

Happy Valentine's Day

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

'Good night darling...sweet nightmares.'

"Do you, Ashley, take Nesbitt and his genome to be your husband?"

Exit/Missed it/Next Time Listen To Your Wife!

'And now, with the authority invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. Formerly single.'

Christmas Socks

"Remember when we used to wonder whether to kiss on the first date?"