Newlywed Celebrations T-Shirts

Murder on the Newlywed Game.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

baby sweetcorn...

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Is that pancake ready yet?

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Get a tomb!"

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Would you care to accessorize each other?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'

French horn.

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"