Ceiling Leak Philosopher Pillows

'No it's still not fixed'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"So that's where you were last night."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

Punk rocker is showing off his hair.

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

Writer's irony.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

'-and my wife likes to rearrange the furniture from time to time!'

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Choco, Scalded Leg, Wet Shoe, Half a Cup, No Cup.

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb

"I can never find any change here."