Ceiling Leak Philosopher Pillows

'No it's still not fixed'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"So that's where you were last night."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

Punk rocker is showing off his hair.

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

Writer's irony.

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

You Don't Know What It's Like

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'-and my wife likes to rearrange the furniture from time to time!'

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Choco, Scalded Leg, Wet Shoe, Half a Cup, No Cup.

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

"I can never find any change here."

In the days before Inkblots

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb