Cautious Caretaker Gifts

Overprotection

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

No Immediate Danger

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Egg Buggy

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"I'm training him to do chores."

Health and safety nightmare.

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

'Is it contagious, doctor?'

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Cold Call

"My dad works in surveillance."

People rushing into 'School of nursing' while a man reads 'Nation in nursing crisis'

"Santa set up the hotline because he knows not everyone is jolly this time of the year!"

Alzheimer's and the Vicious Circle of Slow Death

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

"I have an enormous favor to ask you."

"We're one of the few professions that honors Labor Day by continuing to labor."

Pope Francis

Despite some overgrown lawns, the neighborhood is terrific. For sale. The seller's yard is meticulously tended. Imagine letting him play here everyday! Just treated with pesticide.

Ted never left anything to chance. His computer passwords were all 99 random characters long. . .

Humpty Dumpty! Put on this helmet.

Stay-at-homes have last laugh because of the travel chaos this Christmas.

'What did I tell you kids about swimming in the cement hole?'

"What 'thump?'"

'Some people just couldn't HAVE fish,'