Cautionary Humor Fan Pillows

Never Drink and Drive

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"I need to know who started it."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

The Snooze Bar.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

tRUMp, Pirate President

No, I don

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'More government surveillance!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."