Cautionary Advice Lovers Pillows

'... And as soon as it's discovered, don't play with fire!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Street signs you don't want to see.

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

On the scale of 1-10, do you like it?

Geekasaurus.

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

Robot Olympics

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

Geekasaurus.

Giant bird.

"Good day, young sir! Would you care to exchange your cows for some preference shares in Beanstalk Development Industries?"

Only Larry showed a look of concern as he remembered his mother's warnings that he should never run with Scissors.

"I've followed this guy on social media for years, so I figure I can't go wrong following him in real life..."

"Something tells me we should avoid the sushi here!"

10 love tips from experts to you

'Tortoise and the ne'er-do-well...'

Unnecessary alarm company

'Honestly Nigel, your need for Special Advisers has got completely out of hand.'

"Nope. I'm not falling for another Pyramid Scheme."

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

"Just a word to the wise, and Gary..."

Beware of unexploded fireworks when burning rubbish.

Stop before it's too late

"You might wanna lay off the Generics."

"You should all get along beautifully. Fred handles toxic wastes, Doris works at a nuclear reactor, and Walter just isn't taking any chances."

"You must try your best...no matter what you do. Just don't get obsessive."

"And if he decides not to empty the dishwasher, can I recommend a half Nelson, forearm smash, followed by a Boston crab."

'I'm sorry, John, but I can't marry every man I'm in love with.'

'Your dad gave me his permission. And then some.'

Clancy: Advice for a Bad Memory

'Your father and I never joined the union. Don't you make that same mistake.'