Caution Aficionado Pillows

Unnecessary alarm company

The first car accident.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

Worry tank

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

On the scale of 1-10, do you like it?

"Fasten your seat belt."

Geekasaurus.

"It's called being preemptive."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

Well done, Harris. That's one of the straightest paperclips I've ever seen.

Peace and Justice Return to the Joint High Commission

Drop dead gorgeous

Clydesdale never misses a beat.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Hang on, I'll Google it.

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)

"You see - this machine can cut your work force in half!"

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

The guardrail brings it up to code.

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

"Oh good, there's nothing on."

"No, it's not real, but it does wonders for school bus discipline."

"He shows enormous potential."

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

'Just had to text and ride, didn't you?'