Accident Aficionado Pillows

'I'd like to take out accident insurance. That's right, starting yesterday.'

Liability lawyer.

The first car accident.

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

Man sweeps through newly painted 'entrance' door, knocking over sign painter on the other side.

"That's chemical law for you. No matter how minor the damage claim, our fee is always major."

"Go away. I haven't had an accident that wasn't my fault in the last three years."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Butterfly herders of the wild west.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Never.....teach your dog to fly.

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'God's speed.'

Cheesie Rider

Oedipus

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

The hall of bad ideas.

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

'I wasn't drowning, I was waving!'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"It's called being preemptive."

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

The Incredible Telly Presenter's Journey.

"Fasten your seat belt."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

The Horse Races

Drop dead gorgeous

'Apparently she looks stunning naked'

"I'll need a three iron."

'Oh, I'm very fast, but my dad's problem is that I'm not competitive at all...'

"The third act could use more drama, Sophocles. Try putting in a voter referendum."

'This wasn't in the adventure brochure!'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."