Catering Aficionado Gifts

'Keep a keen eye on that one...'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

La Table

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair