Catastrophe Humorist Pillows

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Of all the days to sleep in!

"We're doomed!" "Well, you wanted to party like there was no tomorrow."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Admit it, we're lost."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Suez Canal Curse

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Venice Floods

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

A Not So Grand Slam.

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

'How was my emergency stop?'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

Freak Accident Specialist

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Cotton candy

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

Cluster Catastrophe

Zombie Baseball

Luck

"The weatherman is always wrong. It'll probably end up being meteor showers."