Catalog Shopping Gifts

Stranger in Strange Land's End Catalog

'You're in luck. It comes in Large, Extra Large and Bowl Full Of Jelly.'

'I just love mail order catalogues. It's so much easier to eat delivery people than to chase gazelle.'

'Let's face it - home shopping catalogues are marketed at old people...' - '...but with a bit of lateral thinking they could easily target busy young professionals.' - 'These 'bathing wipes', for example, mean I can now wash my lower half on the way to wo

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

The Dorrie Decimal System

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Toadstools

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Cut Price

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.