Cat Person Gifts

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

"We're fighting like - well, we're fighting."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"The serotonin is deafening."

Why the city's string of cat burglaries remains unsolved.

A dog kicks at cat off the couch and then a man kicks the dog off the couch.

"I could have been man's best friend but who needs the pressure."

"Sorry, but I don't see the 'Litter Box Challenge' going viral."

"Here, puss, puss, puss!"

Cat with straw under cow.

The peace talks collapsed when the dogs insisted the sandbox had to go out in the hall.

'I read that lowering the head helps prevent shock in surgical patients.'

'It's Thanksgiving! Who would have ordered a triple anchovy pizza for dinner?'

"They never give us homework in obedience school. They know we'd just eat it anyway."

'Where did that cat I was chasing go?'

'Isn't that silly, Fluffy. The cowboy is talking to his horse.'

'I made you coffee.'

'He's pulling your leg -- he never worked for the 'Terry and the Pirates' comic strip.'

'It's for the neighborhood dogs.'

'You'll love this site. It's full of cute human photos with funny captions.'

"I'd like to know who the heck was in charge of the naming!"

'I know what you're thinking.'

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.

Day 14 of self-isolation and the cat still hadn't responded to any attempts at conversation.

"Dog St." and "Cat St."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"It's the Grim Sweeper!!"

"We normally lay there all day doing nothing..."

"Wilma Kooney strangled on cat hair."

"Hey, you! Doggie breath!" Cat says to dog.

"I'm used to having a pussycat doctor."

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"What have I done?"

"I vow to never again bat around someone else's fuzzy mouse."

"First date hairball... awkward."