Cat Cam Operator Pillows

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

If nobody had invented graphics

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

Local News in Heaven

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

Police film evidence

Cat medal presentations take a long time

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

Fancy Feast. Very small brown mouse in gravy.

Next camera crew 5 mins

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"It slowly dawned on Edwin who exactly had stolen his steroids."

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"Don't you worry about me. I always land on my feet."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."