Cat Cafe Owner Gifts

Nothing beats the love of a good cat.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Do you have any catsup?'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"And where have you previously moused?"

Cat and dog at a will reading.

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

Non-Power Breakfast

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

Cat medal presentations take a long time

National Coffee Day

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Coffee

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?"

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"We should start wearing masks."

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

Choice hellhole

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Come in, minion."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.