Casting Call Candidate Gifts

-You need a permit to fish here. -I'm doing okay with a worm, thank you

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Devi's brew?"

"Which part are you reading for?"

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Casting in the swamp.

Charlotte Rampling

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Casting Director

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

"Of course, there's Macbeth and the pantomine season...."

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."

'You're just not right for Naked Ninja Nuns...you can act!'

"You're right, Son. This movie did have a great cast."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."