Cassual Crafter Of Crime Puns T-Shirts

"Use the platinum card—I need the miles."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

'No enemies, Miss, could you give men a list of his friends?'

Spiv

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Burning and Rotting In Hell Desk Organisers

'Say what you will about Mad Dog Jensen... He was the craftiest adversary we ever faced!'

Rock 'n Rolls. It's like an ice cream truck, except they sell baked treats and play classic rock music. Rolling scones!

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

"Before you identify the suspect, you need to confirm your identity."

Venus Fly Trap

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

Criminal Profiling ID Parade

"I'm still not sure which one of them took my wallet. Maybe if they took off their shirts again."

"Come back later when our computers are back up."

"Boys, this is Louie, our fixer."

Con Artist.

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

"If you don't stop squabbling, I'm turning this car around and going right back to the bank."

'Yeacch! Did you check the expiration date on this thing?'

'It was the hand that fed us, you stupid dog! You should have eaten the food - not the hand!'

'That's the most beautiful alibi I've ever heard!'

'The gun went off while you were cleaning it, eh? †in a BANK?'

"They don't hide the fact that they're into money laundering."

'I've robbed so much money from this bank that I figured it's about time I opened up a savings account here.'

'He says does anyone know how to fit a skimming device?'

"I didn't hear anything."

'This is one of the few things you still can't do off-line.'